THE PATH TO PERDITION

After all how does first failure in your life tastes like??
little sour of course..
I experienced the classical stages of a breaking of a bad news.
Denial even in my dreams for some days..
Anger on the fate
Grief ..
Finally the stage of acceptance arrived..
I did all I can, there is no defect from my perspective..
even I question myself hundred times...
did I do something wrong on the way..
I couldnt find any....
scores are there , letters are there..interviews?? 9 is huge number,,,
what is wrong then?
When I receive some sympathetic phone calls..
why you didnt match? when people with multiple attempts and scores in 80s matched??
what should I say ??
FATE?? BAD LUCK??? MISFORTUNE???

It does NOT matter..

By the end of the day, I am a FAILURE..

Then starts the phase of comforting myself with compromising thoughts..
Yes I didnt like the lifestyle there..
Yes I wanted to come back anyway, what is the purpose in going there??
Yes may be I can try something here..
May be this is good for me....

After all this is my final decision for now after alternating thoughts of extremism between these two..
Go back do some research and Obsies and apply next year..
Stop usmle saga and start finding something here..
Inclining to the multiple constraints I have,,,I recall the final words of our chemistry professor
with a glistening smile on the day of my farewell to the college.."Life is a compromise."
I heard these words that day.. I experienced them now..

IMPRESSIONS.....

They can be deceiving.

WELCOME TO THE DAY OF A RESIDENT'S LIFE

Wake up at 4: 10 AM.. 2 alarms rang.. One followed by another...

Shower.. Dress up.. look at the check list on the door...

1)ID card, stamp, easy pay( all are tagged together)

2)Apartment keys

3)Cell phone

4)Pager

5)Metro Pass

6)Wallet

7)Turn off all the lights

8) Lock the door..

A brisk walk of 5 min..

A bus coming near to the stop..

A little run for a min or two to catch the bus...

Reached the Hospital...

Grab a favorite Dunkin Donuts coffee..

A "Good Morning" to the security at the entrance..

Get the white coat from the locker room..

On the Floor 5 30 AM

The Day begins...

WELCOME TO THE DAY OF A RESIDENT'S LIFE

CUP OF COFFEE - the essence of life

A group of alumni, Highly established in their careers,got together to visit an old

University Professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work

and life, then offering his guests coffee,the professor went into the kitchen and returned

with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups-paper,plastic,glass,crystal,porcelain,

some plain looking,some expensive and some exquisite-telling them to help

themselves to the coffee. when all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor

said;

" If you noticed,all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up,leaving behind the plain

and cheap ones.While it's normal for u to want only the best for yourselves,that is the source of

your problems and stress"

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee,in most cases it's just more expensive

and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of u really wanted was coffee,not the cup,

but u consciously went for the best cups............and then u began eying each others cups.

Proverb; Here Life is the coffee.The jobs,Money and Position in society are the cups.

They r just tools to hold and contain life,and the type of cup we have doesn't define,nor change

the quality of life we live.

sometimes by concentrating only on the cup,we fail to enjoy the coffee ,savour the coffee

not the cups

" The Happiest people don't have the best of everything,but they just make out the best of

everything................."

THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU ACT

A TRIBUTE

Your smile resembles a fresh lotus blossom,
In the tense face, I see a threatened hare,
The words, I hear as a child's whisper,
The consolation reflects the innocence of a new born,
The happiness exalts a vagabond's bliss,
The only one I have like you is you.
You have something special in you.
I do miss you...

Kerala..... God's own country

"I like that place very much"
Is that the place per se which makes you feel that or else it's the people or the company or the combo..
I guess it's the combination the above three..

If I go back all the places I visited and lived in india, I guess the best bet is Kerala.
I never saw a beggar here, not even one..
The staff who cleans my room, who washes the cloths rejected my tips all the time...
The auto drivers stick to the exact meter price whatever the time is..( irrespective of the night or day)
Hmm yes there are some human values.. Honesty do exist in the people here.

Ha man..
Girls are really beautiful here..
I wish I could marry a girl from kerala. ( my parents may not be happy with this idea though)
Beauty/ Ego index among girls is pretty high..( unlike our place)..

Hmm...Yeah food
Breakfast kerala special
Puttu
Nooluputtu
Appam
Vellappam

lunch/ dinner
Fish-- all time side dish for lunch or supper
Kozhikode Biryani( I always use to compare it with Hyderabad dum Biryani)
The rice is very peculiar ( large sized grains helps to prevent diabetes) you can grade them between rice and wheat
All food toppings with coconut oil, coconut milk

Cars mann....
You can't imagine the car magnitude here..
Small roads are themselves shine with BMW x 6 , Audee, what not....
It hard for me to find them in Hyderabad city that often..
The flow of money from gulf..
Each family does have one atleast staying somewhere in gulf countries..

" Its hard to find a girl to marry unless we go to gulf here".. Our male staff nurse Jerin George wonders.

Coconut, rubber, aracnut are the basic cultivation. Paddy is kind of scare here and there.

Finally the nature...
Needless to say it's just phenomenal..
Places of interest
1) Alleppy ( Alappuzha)-- the sea back waters, the small islands, the boat houses.. Hhhaaaa
I have write a book " one night@ boat house" to compete Chetan Bharat's " one night @ call centre"
The first place I am gonna visit with my wife after marriage.
2) Munnar-- the splendour of the hill station.
It drizzles at the morning.. To the start the day over..
It feels cozy at the noon coz of tiny little sun rays..
It showers at night.. Making the bachelors jealous of not having the spouse beside them..
Vow..
the place is just so romantic with it's enormous tea estates and enthralling water falls, green meadows.. Makes me nostalgic..
3) Venad-- another hill station
4) Tekkadi- wild life sanctuary
5) Trivandrum and Kochin beaches
Vega land in Kochin


Why The state Kerala is called as "God's own country?"
Now you gotta answer this question for me..

Legend

"Some people listen to their own inner voices with great clearance.

And they live by what they hear.

Such people become crazy.....

Or they become legend."

Never take someone for granted

Never take someone for granted,

Hold every person close to your heart,

Because you may wake up one day,

And realize that you have lost a diamond

While you are busy in collecting stones....

A mighty king, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his face, he realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence.

He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last adieu. But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit Him to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last. He called his generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry them out without fail." With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king's last wishes.

"My first desire is that," said Alexander, "my physicians alone must carry my coffin." After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury"

The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my coffin." The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes. But no one dare bring the question to their lips. The king's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. "O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?"

At this, he took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt..."

"First, I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure any body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted.."

"The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me. I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth."

"And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world."

Increasing Concentration - The Sri Chakra

When I was in my intermediate college( Adarsha Junior College), our Managing Director, N. Raghava Rao used to give us lectures about NLP( Neuro Linguistic Programming).This was one among those lectures which attracted my attention.

The Srichakra is an ancient Indian symbol or design which consists of a concentric series of triangles cumulating in one singular triangle at the center. There are 43 triangles in all.

The power of concentration can be increased by focusing at the central dot in the Srichakra, which is located in the central triangle of the Srichakra.. It is almost impossible to maintain focus on the dot during the first instance, due to the complex geometry of the yantra. At first it was quite difficult to maintain the focus as my eyes would keep moving away to other parts of the yantra. But with constant effort i have been able to progress further. This activity does not take much time as well.

Life is a COMPROMISE - just an example

"Aspirations"-- the title of our college magazine that we released for college day 2007

What is so special about it?
I was the editor of the magazine
And it was released with in a short span of 2 weeks..
Let me tell you the truth--The magazine was just a crap.

Why now I am recalling it for compromise ?
Coz the title was on of the biggest compromises I had in my life.

Collecting adds and magazine funds,

collecting the articles and filtering,

DTP and printing

everything has to be done in 2 weeks.. and We did it.( just 2 of us)
There were like uncountable spelling mistakes, some crappy vulgar articles were printed( Eventually we have to tear those pages out of the 600 copies).

The tile INFUSION -- the enthusiastic inebriation along with another dynamic cover page(it was my idea) was designed.
4 of the boys among the magazine committe including me very much liked it.
Then a couple of people influence and my subtle nature to argue over eventually changed the title as well as the cover.
I had bad time with my friends for changing it though..

Even after 5 long years, I still regret it.. Why I did that....

Thats why I named this blog after it..

Where the mind is without fear -- Rabindranath Tagore

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high..

Where knowledge is free..

Where the world has not been broken into fragments by narrow domestic walls,

Where words come out from depth of truth,

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection,

Where clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit,

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action,

Into that heaven of Freedom let my country awake.

Hope on you

Youth may fade

Love may droop

Leaves of friendship may fall

But my secret hope on you outlines them all.......

Human Relations....

One of the great joys of being alive is that we are not alone.

The comfort of love,

The peace of mind that comes with having someone there for us...

This is what make life worth living...

And it what makes us grow as human beings..

For with each new relationship...

We become more complex, more knowledgeable..

More capable of being there for someone who needs us...

Timeline.........

Present becomes past,

Past becomes History,

History becomes Legend,

Legend becomes myth...

The Real Gem

It was 9:30 PM IST Monday, March 15th, 2010
I opened my inbox eagerly..
The email from NRMP
" Did I match ?
"We are sorry, you did not match to any residency position."

After all...
The result for the 9 interviews I gave traveling from
sandy deserts of Midland, Texas to the snow meadows of Albany, New York.

World is spinning around me turning blue and black.
I was mentally, emotionally, economically broke that day.

The next day I called him,"Dude, I am planning to join PG entrance coaching.
Please suggest me some place."

" Kalyan, even now I answered your call thinking that you got a post match scramble position.Don't do anything impulsive now."He replied.

Exactly after a week he reserved a two way flight ticket from Chennai to JFK
and said"Go get what you wanted. I am here to support as much as I can."

It is needless to say who is the " HE" referred by me here.
The testimonial length which I wrote on his orkut profile is too short to speak about.

Career -- My road map towards IM residency

SUNY

St Barnabas

KUMC

Sitting on a compound wall opposite to the Srinivas Mahal Movie theatre, Tiruapti.......,

I pulled a one rupee coin from the pocket and tossed over..

Can this person with single one rupee coin in his pocket aspire for IM residency in US??

After 4 years,

Today I did obtain a residency position in US.

I am not saying that I worked very hard to get here, nor am going to blow your mind off with my crappy sob stories.

This is all about having such a nice family and friends , the magic factor called Luck..

When I was in my final year, I always wanted to do something different, something more proactive...

I thought of AMC first, eventually worked out some back ground stuff also.

But Suresh told me when we were preparing for the final MBBS exams, we will prepare for the GRE together. “Just have the score in hand, the exam pattern is going to change.” He said.

There started my venture in June 2007...

GRE, TOEFL done by 2007 December as well as applications were dispatched for MPH in couple of universities.

Suresh told me that one can do internship rotations in US as it helps you better in getting into residency.

Called Pramod and asked him to enquire things..

Eventually the electives and clerkships came into focus.

Applied for 8 hospitals, got admitted for Kansas University Medical Center in March 2009.

Got F1 VISA

2 months electives and CS were done by August 2008.

Came back completed internship, graduated in Dec 2008

Hailed to Osmania med col, Hyd for Steps Prep.

Step 1 in April 2009, scored 98

Step2 in August 2009, scored 96

Got B1 stamping and flew to US , observership at Somerset Medical Center, NJ

Step 3 in Oct 2009 – scored 80

Attended 9 interviews in IM, Med Peds and Peds.

March 15^th 2010, match day -- didn’t match.

Joined as a research volunteer in SUNY downstate—April 2010

Attended interview at ST Barnabas on 15^th Sep 2010

Signed prematch on 22^nd September 2010..

Going to start my IM residency on 20^th June 2011

Marriage

Marriage is more about Stability and Security rather than Responsibility and Happiness

FRIENDSHIP --- “Giving everything you have expecting nothing in return”.

Could you name 5 of your best friends in 5 seconds?

Honestly I cant recall with in time.. Stopped at 3..

I strongly believe world’s greatest victories as well as defeats,

successes as well as fiascos were originated from the best friendship...

The toughest enemies were more or less born from the best friendships…

I seriously used to question my friends when I was in medical school, ..

Is there a thing exists called as genuine friendship??

I presumed all the extra parental relations are cooperative commercial affairs..

May be I was wrong..

May be I just couldn’t cherish the real friendship in those days coz I am just a crazy nut..

Impressions have eventually changed..

Now I will say friendship is the only hope which makes me happy every day.

From my school days to professional college days, I came across many acquaintances..

Some relations served as friendships and some people served as friends..

Eventually the days rolled on..

The rapports become thinner....

Where is the consistency??

Could you name who is your best friend when you are in 5 class??

May be I don’t have one………

May be I am too busy in focusing on many useless things and eventually ignored the friendship.

But one of my friend taught me what does a friendship really means..

“Giving everything you have expecting nothing in return”.

I may not be a friend abide by this rule… But at least I can tell a few people that

I had a great friend who never told these lines but always proved it with his deeds..

Past , Present and Future

Live in present dude and think about future

and Learn from past but dont live in the past--- Kalyan

An Indian born Oncologist wrote one among the top 10 books of 2010 and won Pulitzer prize for non fiction

Today, While reading the newspaper I read about this guy..

Dr.Siddarth Mukharjee,

He was born in Delhi, now working as an Oncologist in Columbia University, NYC.

What is so special about him??

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/09/books/09mukherjee.html?_r=1

The Emperor of All Maladies

By Siddhartha Mukherjee

One of the New York Times 10 Best Books of 2010, The Emperor of All Maladies is Siddhartha Mukherjee's magisterial "biography" of cancer.

He won Pulitzer prize for non fiction for this..

Robert Frost once said..

"Two roads diverged in a wood,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"

May be you took a path that was never traveled by.

But it could be the shortest and best..

But as long you are exploring it, it remains mysterious as it was left unexplored before.

Who knows what come out, if some one googles your name after 20 years??

Who really knows where does the never traveled road at the diversion lead you ??

I was listening today to my favorite songs from my iphone..

And just recalled how it came among the favorites.

Then I opened my email and typed " luck by chance"

Eventually the old lines you wrote couple of years ago were pulled out..

Honestly I still couldnt understand the lines completely ( cursing my Hindi )..

Why things have to become more complicated when we become older.

More responsibilities, more worries..

I am seriously questioning myself am I becoming too old to loose my patience to handle things...

Just to say that I did remember you, and thanked you for the good old email..

Which pulled me over from the perfect storm of events at lease for a moment..

MAKING DIFFERENCE

Two roads diverged in a wood,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

"Dont let anybody tell you, you cant do some.
You got a dream, you got to protect it.
People can't do something themselves.
They want to tell you that you can't do it.
You want something? Go get it.”

Happiness

"Maybe happiness is something we can only pursue, but never have."

HOPE

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things,

and no good thing ever dies.

Quoted from Shawshank Redemption

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - Confucius

LOVE

Trust me My friend...

There is No Such Feeling as Love..

There are only misguided feelings and emotions...

IDENTITY

Identity

Seasons may come and go,

Hope, like a bird may fly away,

Passion may break its wings against iron bars of fate,

Illusions may crumble as the cloudy towers of sunset flame,

Faith as a running water, may slip from beneath our feet,

Solitude may stretch itself around us like the measureless desert sand,

Old age may creep as the gathering night over our bowed heads grown

hoary in their shame,

YES......................

Bound to fortunes wheel,

we may taste every turn of chance..

Now rule as kings, now serve as slaves,

Now love, Now hate,

Now prosper, Now perish,

Now friends, Now foes,

But still, through all, we are the same...

For this is the marvel of Identity

Some birds are not meant to be caged...
Their feathers are just too bright..
And when they Fly away..
The past of you that knows,
it was a sin to lock them up does the rejoice

"On the other hand,

I have had to tell some 24-year-old medical students

that they were too old to become physicians

because they had already lost their curiosity"

If There is a Will , There is a Way

If There is a Will , There is a Way

When I recall Guru sir saying " Even cleaveland clinic started with four people..." I got surmised. Yeah !! the beginning is rather small for all great institutes. But dedication and commitment shown by the founders are fathomless.

Here are the brief histories of a few great medical centers...

The Johns Hopkins University was founded on January 22, 1876 by educational pioneers who abandoned the traditional roles of the American college and forged a new era of modern research universities by focusing on the expansion of knowledge, graduate education, and support of faculty research. Its motto in Latin is Veritas vos liberabit."The truth will set you free....."In 1873 Johns Hopkins, a childless bachelor, bequeathed $7 million to fund a hospital and university in Baltimore, Maryland.The university's first president was Daniel Coit Gilman.

The Mayo clinic started as a single, small outpatient facility, and later became America's first integrated group practice, a model that is now standard in the United States.Mayo Clinic evolved from the frontier practice of Dr. William Worrall Mayo (1819–1911) and his two sons, William James Mayo (1861–1939) & Charles Horace Mayo (1865–1939). Dr. William Worrall Mayo emigrated from Salford, United Kingdom, to the United States in 1846 and became a doctor.

The Cleveland Clinic was founded in February 1921 by four renowned Cleveland physicians. Three of the founders, George Washington Crile, Frank Bunts, and William Lower, were surgeons who had worked together in an army medical unit in France during World War I.Upon their return to the United States, they desired to establish a group practice and invited an internist, John Phillips, to join in their endeavor. The concept of group practice in medicine was relatively new at the time. Only the Mayo Clinic and military units were known to follow this model. The founders established the Clinic with the vision: “Better care of the sick, investigation of their problems, and further education of those who serve.”


And needless to say...... The list is endless........