After all how does first failure in your life tastes like??
little sour of course..
I experienced the classical stages of a breaking of a bad news.
Denial even in my dreams for some days..
Anger on the fate
Grief ..
Finally the stage of acceptance arrived..
I did all I can, there is no defect from my perspective..
even I question myself hundred times...
did I do something wrong on the way..
I couldnt find any....
scores are there , letters are there..interviews?? 9 is huge number,,,
what is wrong then?
When I receive some sympathetic phone calls..
why you didnt match? when people with multiple attempts and scores in 80s matched??
what should I say ??
FATE?? BAD LUCK??? MISFORTUNE???
It does NOT matter..
By the end of the day, I am a FAILURE..
Then starts the phase of comforting myself with compromising thoughts..
Yes I didnt like the lifestyle there..
Yes I wanted to come back anyway, what is the purpose in going there??
Yes may be I can try something here..
May be this is good for me....
After all this is my final decision for now after alternating thoughts of extremism between these two..
Go back do some research and Obsies and apply next year..
Stop usmle saga and start finding something here..
Inclining to the multiple constraints I have,,,I recall the final words of our chemistry professor
with a glistening smile on the day of my farewell to the college.."Life is a compromise."
I heard these words that day.. I experienced them now..
